Rieu The Day

From the moment I first heard the name Andre Rieu, I had a bad feeling about the man.

My boss was pretty excited to find out that I play the violin. He immediately asked me enthusiastically if I knew of Andre Rieu. I said no, and immediately had a little panic that this was a top class soloist who I somehow happened to never notice existed, thus making myself look stupid. (I am pretty ignorant, even about things I’m supposed to know a lot about). He enthused for a few minutes about this Andre Rieu guy and said he was going to buy me his CD. I was a little worried that my boss was more knowledgeable about classical musicians than I was, but mostly I was just worried. I mean, a violinist that my philistine co-workers have heard of? Wah! Wah! Wah! (That’s the sound of alarm bells going off in my head).

My boss brought up this Andre Rieu character several more times, but each time I had to tell him I’d been too busy to look him upon the internet. Then one day, I was in a CD shop and almost walked into this big display of Andre Rieu CDs and whatnots. It confirmed my worst fears – packed out stadium tours! Pictures of Andre with cute children! CDs and CDs full of easy listening tracks! This guy was the Daniel O’Donnell of the violin world!*

Now it’s not just my boss plugging the Andre Rieu tour. Andre Rieu is seeping into my real life. On Sunday I was hanging out laundry on the back deck when my elderly neighbour called out hello from her back yard. She asked me how I was, and I told her I was tired as I’d spent the day in rehearsals with my orchestra. Her face lit up. “Have you heard about that Andre what’s-his-name?” she asked me. I answered politely and hoped she would not hear my teeth gnashing.

I can tell that as this guy’s Australian tour draws near, this is going to get worse and worse. I don’t think I’m alone in not having heard of him until like, two weeks ago, but as always happens in Australia, once a performer books their ticket to Sydney we can’t stop hearing about them. Remember Dita von Teese? (I blush to type such a ridiculous name on a work computer). How a few months ago her face was everywhere? The trash press was full of what lipstick she used, her romance and style tips, etc etc. All this just because she came to Sydney, and Sydney was so flattered. Because I doubt that many of these magazines’ readers actually went to burlesque shows and really knew who she was. It was all down to the press, and how flattered they were to have a Famous Person to write about. Seriously.

But back to Andre. I love many, many types of music, but easy listening is not one of them. (I would especially avoid anything that could be termed ‘inspirational’.) Now I may be jumping to conclusions here, but I’m betting this guy has music videos where he’s on hills with the wind blowing through his coat tails (and there will be coat tails). You just know that he makes stage entrances where he flies in over the audience suspended from a cord. It will be ‘magical’. Disney will probably get involved somewhere along the line. He has a show. My conservative little musical soul shudders!!

Look, really, I don’t wish the guy any harm at all. I’m sure he’s a very accomplished musician. There are not many well-paid jobs for musicians, and I guess he’s found that this way he can achieve fame and fortune instead of starving as yet another rank and file musician who couldn’t make it as a classical soloist, assuming he even wanted to. So he marketed himself in the populist mould, he’s done very well out of it and brought music to a lot of people who’d never otherwise have dreamed of going to see a violinist in concert. I know all this. I am happy for him and his fans, as long as I don’t have to listen to his CDs or see him in concert.

Yes, it’s a real fear that my boss will buy me his CD and then I’ll have to listen to it. I am even afraid I might have to fork out $200 to go to the concert, just to suck up to my boss. Nooooo!!

I’m going now to look him up online to see if the mountain top/coattails/entrances from over the auditorium thing is accurate. Wouldn’t want to get sued.

And Andre, if you are reading this and I am wrong about you, I apologise.**



*I realize that some of my readers may be under 75, so I should explain that Daniel O’Donnell is this sappy pretty-boy crooner who my grandma used to love. Generally filmed singing on picturesque mountain tops for ‘Songs of Praise’.

**But I still don’t want your CD.