Wednesday 28 January 2009

The Good and the Bad

Things I'm loving this week:

  • Salsa! I did two classes (two hours) last night and it was so much fun I could have died happy! I was exhausted though. Sad to think I have only got around doing it at age 30. So many wasted years!
  • Haigh's dark chocolate. I got a box of this sent to me by a business contact to thank me for getting something signed. Soooo delicious. It's in my bedroom because I knew if I kept it at work I would eat it all in a couple of days. I am hardly ever at home, so it works out better this way. Each time after I've had one, I carefully close up the box, replace the sticker that seals it shut, slide it back into its half opened golden gift wrap and fold the open edge closed, reverently. Well, it tastes so good, eating it is like a religious experience to me, so I feel a certain amount of ritual is appropriate.
  • Chinese dumplings. The Man invited some if his Chinese students round on Monday, which was Chinese New Year's Day as well as Australia Day. I went too and played the hostess, even though I'm apparently Mrs Other Man now. I got to watch the great Making of the Dumplings, and I rolled quite a few too, so now I have dumplings in my cooking repertoire. I'm getting quite excited thinking of all the variations to the fillings that I can do, and the accompanying sauces I am going to create. Really, it's about time some wealthy and traditional man marries me, because I will make an awesome housewife!

Things I'm not loving:

  • Sweaty men at the gym. All the stretching mats are covered in grease slicks. Now, is it so hard to cover strategic parts of the mat with a towel? The bits where you know your t-shirt might ride up from your slimy wet back? If I can do it - and I sweat perfume and moisturiser, because I'm a girl, and a wholesome one at that - then so can men. And it's disgusting when they actually drip sweat onto the equipment. Yuck, yuck yuck!
  • My job. Don't get me started.
  • The whole boyfriend/girlfriend thing. It would be ok if you only had to go out with them, say, once a fortnight. But seriously, I don't have time. It's a simple equation: available free time - time spent dancing = time that could have been spent dancing if it were not for the need to be with man.

Thursday 15 January 2009

A mixed bag: holidays, evil family, paedophilia

I am having a long weekend starting tomorrow. I will be spending it at the Gold Coast, a place I have never wanted to go, with the Other Man, visiting his friend, who I have never met, but given that I despise pretty much all his friends that I have met so far, well. Fun. So why did I say I'd go? I'm just a girl who can't say no! La-la, la-la-la-la laaaaaaaah!

Other news: I spent an absolute fortune just after Christmas, sending a calendar and a desk calendar to my brother and his evil girlfriend, and have not heard from them. So either they are 1) terrifically ungrateful or 2) have changed their address and deliberately gave me the wrong one. I'm wavering between 1) and 2) depending on my mood. Today I'm veering toward 2). Honestly. It's quite possible. They didn't even contact my parents over Christmas, let alone go see them. May a plague take them both! Maybe they didn't even open the parcel. Maybe they thought it was a bomb since it was from me. Their paranoia, and sense of self-importance, knows no bounds.

And finally, having just visited here, may I just say how pleased I am to see a top Saudi cleric speaking out for little girls' rights to get married at 10. How can anyone say the Saudi religious establishment does not have women's well-being at heart? I wish my parents had married me off at 10. The best bit would have been the sex. Imagine having an adult penis rammed into your tiny, pre-pubescent vagina. How nice.

There has been so much publicity about paedophile Catholic priests. But maybe clerics of all religions are doing it. At least the Muslims are open about it - no-one can accuse their clergy of sweeping it under the prayer mat. They're out and proud!

Thursday 8 January 2009

You Know It's Time To Break Up With Someone When...

...when your subconscious does this to you:

Here's the bad dream I had last night: My inner slut likes to come out and play sometimes in my dreams, and last night she decided I was going to have dream sex with this random man. He seemed nice enough, so why not. He had bad skin with red lumps all over, and as I was undressing him I noticed big bumps on his bottom. I thought "Urgh, boils!".

Then he told me to be careful of a lumpy area on his stomach. I asked him what it was, and he said, "Have you heard of the plague?"

I said, "What do you mean?"

He said, "You know the Bubonic plague? That spread like wildfire through Europe in the Middle Ages, wiping out a third of the population and forcing the end of feudalism?"

"You have that?"

"Oh yes" he replied, airily.

So obviously I leapt up and put my clothes back on. Meanwhile, his family members assured me that I probably couldn't have caught it, and that he'd had sex with lots of women who seemed to still be ok. I asked him if it was curable and he was all "No, I'm going to die soon."

All I could think of was that I'd been touching and kissing his plaguey skin!!! YUCK!

So I think maybe my subconscious mind wants me to be celibate. I imagine the inner demons who run my brain, thinking "What's the most subtle way we can turn Sprite off sex?" Perhaps they have been talking to my mother. I see her work in this. If she was allowed to design dreams for me, I'd probably have that one every night.

Tuesday 6 January 2009

Nuggets of Wisdom: The Australian Male

Well since the Man and I officially parted ways (though I'm using the word 'since' here kind of loosely, but let's not dwell on that...) I have been dipping my toes into the murky world of post 30's dating.

I know everyone says 'dating'* is supposed to be different and more difficult when you're out of your 20s. I'm not sure about this. I still feel young. I think a suprising number of people actually like feeling old, but I am not one of them, so I'm going to continue to have a young outlook on life. So I don't have a problem with going out with guys as such.

So I don't have a problem myself, but I sure feel sorry for the men in my future! They will all be compared to my beloved Man, who is perfect for me in every way, and if he was closer to my age and we had more chemistry, we would surely be married and living happily ever after.

I was thinking about this last night as I traipsed tipsily home after a pleasant dinner with..erm...The Man and a friend of his last night: The Man has always slagged off Australian males, saying they're chauvinistic cavemen types who drink too much and wouldn't know culture if it slapped them in the face. I always thought he was being a bit harsh because he's an Australian himself, in the same way as I'm sometimes overly harsh about things from my own benighted homeland, bless its rainy little heart. But my new situation has seen me spending more time than I ever have with Aussie men - ie, a bit - and I'm beginning to see his point. Here are some things I have noticed about a certain kind of Australian male:

  • Propensity to drink too much. I am not talking about the very young, either. I have always dated older men, so I often hang out with the older age groups, which now translates as late thirties upwards. And by this age, years of overindulgence is beginning to show. And it's not attractive.
  • Boringness. I have passions outside work and am very active. A man might not be interested in my particular hobbies - unless he is gay - but have some passions, ok?
  • Drugginess. Not cool in the over 30's. A certain amount of experimentation is understandable in 20 somethings, but when you're approaching middle age, and especially if you're married with small children, popping pills to have fun is a bit disturbing! And what is it with cocaine use? I was at a party the other night when people kept disappearing to the bathroom to snort lines. These were OLD PEOPLE. Call me naive but I find this kind of shocking! I look to people who are older than me to be wiser and have their lives a bit more together than I do. Not to be tragic, self-indulgent pleasure seekers. Who become even more boring when they're high than when they were sober.
  • Sleaziness. I'm talking about macho jokes and thinking of attractive women as meat, or prizes in some kind of game; and telling you that an interest in porn and strippers etc is an inevitable part of being a guy - you know, boys will be boys, and women have to accept it. Well I know at least one man who isn't in the least bit like that - my the Man - so I reckon perviness is an optional extra, and I am perfectly reasonable in holding out for a non-sleazy bloke. I would also like to say, guys, that I think it's extremely rude to openly ogle other women when you're with a woman - especially if you're dating her! I mean, what the hell is that all about? Do you want me to dump you??!!**

I think there are just too many available women in Sydney and that many men here have let themselves go because they know they are in high demand. But they might find that although there are plenty of women wanting to be with them, they might not be quality women. Some women would prefer to opt out of relationships altogether rather than be with a creep. My new housemates might fall into this category. They are both lovely and attractive women, but do not have boyfriends, that I know of. Otherwise it seems strange to me that such nice women have not been snapped up.

I love how, in view of the above, men are so quick to assume that because you're kind of attracted to them physically, you probably want to marry them and have their babies. Ahahahahahha! I'm looking out for some quality DNA for my children, so they can relax!

I know there are quality Australian men out there. I am just looking in the wrong places, I guess. I know they exist and I would love to find one who is single and willing to go out with me! But until then, I think celibacy is the best option, before I get a completely twisted view of mankind and have to move to Erskineville and become a lesbian.

You may have guessed, I'm 'seeing' someone else at the moment. Let us call him, the Other Man. I like it. It makes me sound more worldly, like I have multiple affairs going on because I'm so sexually sophisticated. I prefer to say that I'm 'seeing him' rather than he's my boyfriend, because 'boyfriend' sounds intimate, and I feel decidedly not. We'll see how it goes. Watch this space.


P.S. I know I've been super bad about maintaining this blog. That's because I got so busy at work a while ago, and it's never eased up. I am still busy, but have decided to take time out to blog anyway. In a sense I am giving myself a payrise. Equal pay/less work = a higher rate of pay per working moment!

*Just so you know, I hate that word, unless you're an archeologist
**Obviously he doesn't. I am a real prize.

Monday 5 January 2009

New Year's Resolutions for 2009

Here are my resolutions for the new year:

1. To lose some weight. Yes, this is top of my list EVERY YEAR and miraculously, I am still not skinny! Still, I haven't started on a bad note - well, not as bad as some years. If I can get below 60 kg as my average weight, I will be a happy bunny.

2. To save lots of money. To this end I have been spending a lot recently. Because, of course, I'm going to need clothes, jewellery and perfume to see me through the dark days of saving. And maybe handbags. I'm thinking of starting a handbag collection - every other woman in the western world seems to have one. So why shouldn't I! Anyway...saving. Also on this topic I intend to bring my lunch to work most days so I don't have to eat the disgusting, overpriced slop they sell in the outlets here. I used to be really good about bringing lunch, and then I got slack.

3. Ballet resolution of the year: Yes, I have one. Don't you? I have one every year! This year, I want to significantly increase my flexibility. So lots of stretching sessions at the gym, and in front of the TV with a glass of wine. Well why not? It helps my tendons relax!

In other news, I went to lunch with some workmates today. On the way into the restaurant, someone spotted a redback (spider) crawling up one of of the guys' back! No harm done (loosely speaking - the spider was harmed).