Hair Cuisine

I have serious doubts about hygiene in the food industry of this country.

I try not to, because that means I have to COOK, and whilst I love cooking, I also love not having to spend my entire evening after work peeling vegetables and washing up. But it’s a niggling worry.

Take Friday, after work. (Ok, I admit it, I’ve been saving up this anecdote all week and am only just blogging about it because I’ve been so busy at work. And of course I only ever blog on paid, company time. I like to think of myself as a professional writer – after all, I get paid to write, however unintentional it may be.)

So where was I? Ah, yes. On my way to ballet class, I decided to grab a croissant and a sweet pastry from that divine-smelling German bakery near Town Hall station. That place smells of such fantastic, buttery goodness I can never go near it without buying stuff! If you go late in the day they sometimes give you free stuff. So I was already slavering at the mouth by the time I left Wynyard. Mmmm….steaming hot pastry….

So I got my croissant. I bit into it, and within seconds was aware of a disturbing oniony, chivey flavour that definitely shouldn’t have been there, and a squelchy texture. A white, cheesy filling! The horror! I nearly had heart failure. Call me fussy, but I really don’t like cheese. After I had composed myself, I went back and got a plain one.

The next one was delicious, but…it had a hair in it. Luckily I saw it and was able to thread it out and continue eating. I know, disgusting, but if I let hair in my food put me off I’d get pretty hungry.

I find hair in my food with disturbing frequency. It’s obvious why; kitchen workers don’t wear any head covering. In England they have to by law – even people in such occupations as sorting raw fish have to, prompting tabloid outrage about barmy EU legislation-gone-mad – so I don’t see why people can't do it here. You don’t strictly need to flip your ponytail while you’re preparing my sandwiches and frying my noodles. Unless hair and dandruff are part of the ingredients, please wear a hair net!

Which brings me to another puzzle: why do sandwich makers wear gloves to make the sandwiches, and then use the same gloves to handle money? Are they magical, self-sanitising gloves? If so, why don’t doctors and nurses have them? It would save a lot of money and waste on gloves. Hell, why don’t we all get some? I could get a pair for cleaning the toilet, then the bath, making the bed then putting together a quick snack. Think of the soap and water I’d save!

All things considered, I’m cooking at home tonight. I’ve just had my cholesterol checked and it’s very low, so I thought I’d make fried potatoes to celebrate.