You Know It's Time To Break Up With Someone When...

...when your subconscious does this to you:

Here's the bad dream I had last night: My inner slut likes to come out and play sometimes in my dreams, and last night she decided I was going to have dream sex with this random man. He seemed nice enough, so why not. He had bad skin with red lumps all over, and as I was undressing him I noticed big bumps on his bottom. I thought "Urgh, boils!".

Then he told me to be careful of a lumpy area on his stomach. I asked him what it was, and he said, "Have you heard of the plague?"

I said, "What do you mean?"

He said, "You know the Bubonic plague? That spread like wildfire through Europe in the Middle Ages, wiping out a third of the population and forcing the end of feudalism?"

"You have that?"

"Oh yes" he replied, airily.

So obviously I leapt up and put my clothes back on. Meanwhile, his family members assured me that I probably couldn't have caught it, and that he'd had sex with lots of women who seemed to still be ok. I asked him if it was curable and he was all "No, I'm going to die soon."

All I could think of was that I'd been touching and kissing his plaguey skin!!! YUCK!

So I think maybe my subconscious mind wants me to be celibate. I imagine the inner demons who run my brain, thinking "What's the most subtle way we can turn Sprite off sex?" Perhaps they have been talking to my mother. I see her work in this. If she was allowed to design dreams for me, I'd probably have that one every night.