Wednesday 18 March 2009

Feeling Green On St Patrick's Day

I've had a rough few days lately.

I got it into my head that The Man was seeing another girl and was getting quite close to her. My jealousy was flying out of control. I was going to write a seething blog entry yesterday about what a revolting, man-chasing drip she is, and how I couldn't believe The Man would replace me with HER, and how he obviously never really loved me and I wasted the last few years of my life on him (I broke off our relationship and have been out with Other Man since, but hey, I see no need to be reasonable) Fortunately, I had no time.

So yesterday after work, I was on my way to ballet class, feeling all tearful. I got off the train and thought to myself, I really don't want to do this. So I crossed the platform and got on another train home. Now normally if I decided not to go to ballet, I'd call The Man and we'd have a cozy dinner together, but I'd decided to stop hassling him all the time as he now had Collossal Drip in his life. So I wandered around for a bit. That's something I never do, just wander the streets taking everything in, and I thought it might be good for me. I sat in a cafe and ordered a pot of tea, wondering if I'd happen to meet some clean-cut lovely young man just like happens in the movies and live happily ever after and never see the Man again. Then the cafe closed and I went home.

A few minutes after I'd arrived, I heard the familiar whine of his motorbike outside the house, so I opened the door. There he was in his helmet and bike jacket, holding out a bag of takeaway Thai food. He said "Oh! You're home! I thought you were at ballet! Why didn't you tell me? I was just going to drop this off so you would have something to eat when you got home, because I knew you'd be hungry." It was all I could do not to burst into tears.

We went out and walked for a while, and found an Irish pub (it was St Patrick's Day, and seemed to make sense to aim for a pub that would be ridiculously packed on this one day of the year). I had a massive glass of wine. It was delicious. Walking back, the conversation came round to relationships and such, and I finally found the courage to ask him about Collossal Drip. He said I shouldn't ask him about it, but I said actually it was my business because I'd hate to drop in, as I do several times a week, and find her there wilting pathetically in a corner (no I didn't put it quite like that), both of them expecting to have an intimate evening together. He then told me there was nothing going on. HOORAY! Suddenly, all my contempt and hatred for her (ok most of it, not all) fell away, and I felt human again!

We talked some more about how he'd eventually start going out with someone, and I would too, but we still wanted each other to be around. I blubbered a lot, which is always lovely when you're in public, and my eyes are still puffy today. But I feel a lot better. I still have to accept that he's trying to pull away from me somewhat, but I'm still his number 1 girl. I think. I'm going to stop obsessing about it anyway.

2 comments:

mmg said...

Love the name "Colossal Drip". Fantastic.

What a tough situation...this is why when I break up with someone I refuse to see them anymore - it just hurts so damn much. But we all have our own ways of doing things. You'll figure it out & get through it!

Sprite said...

Thank you. I didn't think I'd need to, but looks like maybe I do.

I take back what I said in this post. I was woken up by The Man at 12:45 this morning. He was locked out and needed my spare key. He had been over at her place. I couldn't get back to sleep for a couple of hours because I was tossing and turning in fury! Stewing over the fact that he would replace me with someone like THAT, then reliving all the low points of our relationship.

He texted me this morning and I replied very nastily, and it felt gooooooooood!!!! I can't think why I've been so nice all this time when letting it all feels so fantastic!