I believe I may have mentioned last post that I was getting braces on. Well, they're on now, and unless I tear them forcibly from my mouth in a moment of desperation, that's how they'll be until I'm in my thirties. Gosh, I'm old.
So now I have the pleasure of allowing everyone I know to acquaint themselves with my new look. Everyone I talk to looks at me in a "Something's funny with Sprite's face, but if I keep talking at the same speed she won't notice I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with her" kind of way. How attractive I feel! I did alert some people beforehand that I was going to have them done, so I wouldn't have to go through that with everyone. And you know what's kind of weird? The number of people who said to me, "So what exactly are they going to do? Which teeth need straightening? Let's have a look!" - and then start to lean forward as if I'm actually going to open my mouth and give them a guided tour of my sickening dental abnormalities. Freaks!
My dentist is really nice, and it wasn't an awful experience, but it wasn't comfortable either. I had to lie back with my mouth open for ages while dabbed stuff on my teeth, squirted stuff on them, dried them off, and said confidence-inspiring stuff to his assistant like "Be careful not to put too much glue on the brackets. There was too much on the last one. It went everywhere!" Suddenly an image flashed through my mind - the dentist was Hannibal Lector and was about to perform an intricate and creative work of torture on me. But I lay there obediently with one side of my mouth stretched open, hoping I wasn't going to be left with too many permanent mouth wrinkles, and tried not to swallow anything toxic.
After the dinky little things had been attached to my top layer of teeth, he told me I could rinse and spit. I sat up and tried to return my top lip to its normal position, but it felt like boulders had been attached to my teeth. Would I ever close my mouth again?!!
Then it was bottom teeth time. The highlights were when he thought he may have glued two of my teeth together (well, that would solve the problem of flossing!) and when something small and vicious clamped itself to my top lip! I don't know what it was and I wasn't in a position to find out, but it did get removed after I pointed it out through a mixture of gargling and singing.
So, the big moment. The proud dentist handed me a mirror. Now, just remember my lips had been pulled about for the last hour, and when I sat up and looked at my reflection, my first thought was "Oh my God! I have a MUZZLE!" I swear my heart broke just a little bit.
Fortunately my lips settled down a bit and although I do look a little like I've got a mouth full of marbles, at least they're small ones!
By far the worst thing of this whole braces things is, I can't bite down properly. The dentist stuck hard lumps of stuff on my back top teeth to stop me biting down all the way and knocking the braces, and it's very sore. Try biting some pebbles and you'll know how I feel. My poor front teeth are tender too. I'm told I'll get used to it. I also hope I'll get used to spending half an hour bloody brushing them every morning and night, plus power cleans throughout the day!
On the upside, I can't eat anything except soup and mashed stuff. So I'm going to be very slim very soon, I hope!
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4 comments:
Your lips will stretch, I remember the feeling :)
You do get used to using your mouth in a different way, so it won't be uncomfortable forever.
How cool yours are self tightening, that's so awesome!
Stretched lips! What happens when the braces come off? Do your lips sort of hang off you in unnecessary folds? Don't be telling me this!!
Mine are yet to do any sort of flapping, so I guess it's like if you get fat and then get thin, usually your skin bounces back. Lips must be quite elastic, it seems :)
That's a relief, then.
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