Back in Business

It’s with great lack of joy that I can announce that I am back from holidays, the Stationery Cabinet has been unlocked, and I am marvelling at how craply the company has run in my absence. God, my colleagues suck. Not only that, it’s nearly August, which brings me ever closer to my dreaded 29th birthday (all birthdays are dreaded as they bring me closer to THIRTY).

The holiday was good. We climbed a giant mountain, totally ignoring the warning signs telling people not to set off after 2 pm as they’d be caught up there after dark, and we were caught up there after dark, and I got scared. We were walking down this really rough track in the middle of a virtual rainforest, and it was so dark that the light from my mobile phone actually made a difference. And then I had this idea that when we finally made it down, the car park would be full of local chainsaw murderers, or that guy from Wolf Creek. The worst bit was when I was sure we must be nearly there, and yet the path kept going on and on, and there was a loud commotion in the undergrowth nearby. The Man said it must be a kangaroo, and he clapped his hands to chase it off. I was nearly sobbing with relief when the car doors shut behind us. Bit of an insult to the poor Man – it was obvious I don’t trust him to be able to protect me!

We also made it to Queensland, and it was gorgeous, except the parts that the locals have managed to destroy through their shootin’, choppin’ and general cementing. I recommend you go before they manage to annihilate the countryside entirely. We went to Steve Irwin’s zoo, where his wife what’s-her-name is having him slowly by surely beatified, and the vulgarity knows no bounds. I must admit though, it is a nice zoo. Anywhere elephants play soccer is fine by me. And we went strawberry picking and bought two wonderful pineapples, one which I’m still digesting right now. Yum.