Wednesday 27 May 2009

A Disoappointment

I think it’s fair to say that I have not been terribly successful so far at soap making.

I took a soap making class some time before Christmas. It may have been as early as October. (I could check my Outlook calendar for you but that would be just way too much effort, so let’s say October). I had Big Plans to make my first batches of scented soap in time for Christmas, because of course there’s nothing people wish to receive more than their friends’ home-made soap, is there!

First hurdle was to assemble all the equipment. It took ages. It was well into the new year when I finally got around to making my first batch of pure soap.

And this is what happened: I figured out part way through that I didn’t exactly understand what the instructions were saying, and I ended up boiling the mixture instead of leaving it to react without heat. That’s one big load of soap rendered unusable – 3 litres of olive oil! Sorry, olive trees! (Groves? Vines? Look, I was raised in Saudi Arabia, we don’t have nature over there).

Attempt #2 – This time I was determined to do it right. I didn’t boil the mixture, so it stayed liquid enough to stir it for several days after it was made. Unfortunately, I’d selected a baking tray with a non-stick covering, which all flaked off in reaction to the caustic soda, and mixed into the soap. Then I left it the requisite 6 weeks, and it seems to be ok despite the grey flecks.

So, mid-May, finally my base soap was ready and I was on track to make scented soaps, yay! The first batch was fine, though it didn’t smell of anything much despite the super-expensive vanilla oil I’d used, and I also only made three tiny soaps out of it. But I was sure that now I’d been reasonably successful, things could only get better, and I’d make bigger batches. So the next round was rose soap, with rose petals, pink clay for colouring, glycerine, and of course, lashings of very expensive rose oil. Within hours, the soap had sprung cracks within the mold, and all liquid was leaking out. I’ve tried using it, and the soap just falls apart.

Take #3, ‘chocolate orange’ soap, using cocoa butter and orange oil. I intended it to be similar in style to the first, more successful batch of soap. The first indication I should have got that something was wrong was when my subconscious mind decided it would be a good idea to pick up the wooden spoon THAT I’D BEEN USING TO STIR THE VEGGIE STEW I WAS MAKING and use this to stir the soap! Now readers unversed in the fine art of saponification probably don’t realise this, but it’s not really a good idea to cross-contaminate your soap mixture with your dinner. Anyway, I soldiered on (I think I must have rinsed the spoon before I’d put it down, because at least there were no blobs of onion or chickpea to be found in the soap, just the flecks of non-stick pan coating as I covered earlier) and continued with the brew.

That soap came out all mushy and weird too. As it was setting, it started to resemble milk that has gone off, all lumpy and uneven. So I’ve melted it down and re-set it. We’ll see how it comes out.

It’s all very disappointing because my big trip to England is coming up in less than a fortnight*, and I’d been planning to give everyone little home-made soaps. I was going to go to David Jones and pick up loads of darling little ribbons and bits of tissue paper to wrap the soaps in. (I go MAD for David Jones gift wrap).

Still, Rome wasn’t built in a day. I seem to remember some spectacular horrors that came out of the oven back in the days I was teaching myself baking, with youthful fervour. And now look at me, I am Queen of the Banana Muffin! I haven’t given up on my dream of leaving the Stationery Cabinet and starting my own business making soaps and cosmetics. I just have to get over the minor hurdle of being hopeless at it.

*That's right! I'm leaving in LESS THAN A FORTNIGHT! Hurrah!

Friday 15 May 2009

Wrong in the Tooth

I would like to take a moment to give Nurofen a free promotion.

Thank you, Nurofen, for being with me at 2:00 am this morning when I woke up in agony from my inflamed gum. You gently soothed the throbbing in my ear, blunted the razors down my throat, and paused the war that was raging between my wisdom tooth and the fleshy pink gum that is trying to swallow it. Nurofen, you are a true friend and I appreciate you.

And thank you person who invented antibiotics! Thank you kindly!